Been a bit busy.

And it seems like I only write on this blog when I feel like crawling under a rock and staying there. So most of these get deleted like a month later when I realise what an idiot I was being.

Right.

Promise #1: Will not delete any more blogs. Will write carefully.

Hmmmm, me and careful don't really go together very well. Time for a good old rant methinks.

I need to get all of the nasty people out of my head, because I can't let them get to me forever. I know they hurt me, but I can't let them see how much... I keep that to myself. I just smile through the crappy days and nobody realises. Good, huh? Nobody really knows whats going on in my head... that used to upset Z. He wanted to get into my head and twist me to act just how he wanted, so it annoyed him that he didn't know every little thing going on in my life.
People can be so blind sometimes. Like me, I let people tell me their stupid little daydreams and I go along with it. Gosh, I'm like a puppet on a string. Ffs.

I'm tired of hurting, but tbh I don't know any different. If I don't have endless things worrying me, then what will I be?

I miss the people I've lost. Gives me a sad face.

I'm going to shut up now.

Tomorrow, maybe? Yeh sounds good.

Pissing people off.

I'm getting good at it.

So good I don't even need to try.

I miss Phoebe. Lots. I want to get close to her again, like I was before. ):

I don't feel like I'm in a very safe situation right now. Things feel okay but I don't think it'll take much for all the good stuff to disappear. To be honest, I'm giving it a week. By then, I reckon everything will have gone tits-up.

Stop Reading My Freaky Blog!

Pretty Please?

xxx

Mahahahaha

I love you really.

Honest.

;p

Well hello my lovlies... (:

My birthday was a bit naff tbh. Can think of better ways to spend my weekend, but Mr Judge was a laugh, had a good catch-up. (: And on the plus side, I'm liking sixth form lotsies. I'm trying to make myself meet new people... It's kind of working, but I have a feeling that it will backfire.

Why do I make friends with people that don't get on? Talk about social awkwardness! Hahaha. At least in the Village, I know that I've only got Kerri, and nobody can get between us or intefere - Even if we're being messed about by our other "friends" atm. I'm over that.

I want my ipod to come soon. I don't care if the teacher will get stressy but I want to listen to it in Cope so I don't have to engage in conversation with the Virgin Mary. Lmao.

You know that man who always bikes around town saying "alright?" to people? Well, I was walking home with Dale and he said "alright girls?" to us. I could have cried with laughter. Struggled to actually unlock the door when I got home because I was still laughing really hard.

I got my freshers ticket today. But what is smart-casual? I'm confused. How can you be smart AND casual? What am I to wear? Oh, I'm so confuddled.

"Hello Girls."

Well...

Yesterday Dad took me, the sibling, and Auntie Julie to see Son on her birthday, then we went to Mepal for lunch. Was all good (banoffee pie was LUSH!) until Dad decided that we should walk off our lunchies. We walked for miles (well, about four). Me and Oliver upped the pace and was quite a bit ahead when we realised we had to cut down a steep hill bit and through a gate to get onto the path back. Anybody who knows me will know that I don't really get on with hills. Anyway, this pathway bit looked a bit overgrown with lots of long grass, and was surrounded by nettles and thorny things, so I decided to go before Oliver to clear the way. NOT A GOOD IDEA. Emily hit the deck, flat on her arse, and slid down the hill like a rather rough slide.

Once again, a bush of brambles came to my rescue as emergency breaks, although this time they appeared en masse between my legs. Oliver stood at the top of the hill laughing so I had to wait for Dad to come and remove the bramble so I could take the thorns out of my thighs.

Today I went in a canoe, even though I cannot swim. To be honest, I rather enjoyed it. Think I'll do it more often. :]

Am really looking forward to the weekend, can't wait to see Steph and Kerri again.

I feel kinda crap now tbh.

Fun times.

Well, um, er, what's been going on then?

I went to a party last night, interesting stuff I tell you. Had to dash up to Tescos just before ten to get more pitta breads for the kebab-ers. Haha. Went home around midnight because I was completely knackered after work. Just about got to sleep when SOMEONE sent me a text message that was majorly confusing, and I didn't understand.

My legs hurt.

I've got to go to Nan's for a bbq this afternoon, I bet money it'll rain. Then I'm staying at Dad's until Wednesday because I have work. Double woop for overtime, I've got more overtime hours this month than my proper Saturday hours. :] PAYDAY ON FRIDAYYYYY!!!!

...I think I'm joining the gym Friday evening - if I haven't gone on a shopping spree beforehand. Talking of all things laborous and healthy, the sports bra I ordered came yesterday. Meh. Why are sports bras so ugly? And why do they hold you in place whilst pushing you in, instead of up? I'll be boobie-less. Lol.

I'm bored. Spose I should go jump in the shower now.

I'm still sleepy. =[

But I get to see Kerri soon! About time as well. I haven't seen her since like Tuesday, and it feels like for EVER. Dude.

Laters.

Today I realised how much I miss Phoebe. She was more than a friend. She was everything.

She even understands my love for Noel Fielding.

Exam results:
Well, I'm rather proud of myself tbh. I was really worried about my results, and I have been having dreams about them for weeks. Last night I dreamt I opened the paper and along with my list of subjects, there was a lits of grades, which consisted of H's and Z's. I know... what on earth was going on? Anyway, I got into sixth form, so all is well.

Mum took me shopping today. I got a dress for Saturday, and some other bits and pieces I needed. Felt rather strange using my staff discount card, but it was strange in a good way. I think all of the freaks were out today. I won't say where I went, but there were weirdos galore.

I think I look slightly retarded on the year photo. Anyway, I keep wondering if anyone else has seen the art teacher on the front row with her head cocked to one side. She looks like it's going to fall off.

Think I might upload some photos from the camera in a bit. There's a couple still on there from last Sunday... I'll chuck 'em on Facebook so The Sundays can have a goosey-gander. I don't think the Sundays will be meeting this week. Sad Face.

I know this sounds awful... but don't you just HATE it when you know things are messing up? I know he loves me, but since he's been away, I realised that I don't need to be in a relationship, and I don't want to be in a serious relationship. It's been seven months, which is like for ever. I'm sixteen for God's sake, I don't want to be thinking about true love and living together and getting married.
I want to be able to live like a teenager while I still am one. And being all lovey-dovey with someone makes it impossible and, inevitably and eventually, painful for one of the parites involved.

Why does everyone cheat nowadays? It's stupid. If you want to be with someone, stay faithful. If you'd rather be with someone else, what's stopping you?

Relationships are gay.

Worst of all is knowing that girls are too busy looking for Mr Right, when they'd be best off with Mr Right Now. Because you know it won't last, but is that what everyone always wants?

And, usually, Mr Right Now is right there in front of you and you're casting a blind eye to him.

Anyway, changing the subject completely, a little message for a boy I know:

Look, you're my ex. I know I hurt you because I left you for someone else, but I didn't love you and I can't pretend to. You still talk to me but only because you think I'm going to feel sorry for you and come back to you. Trust me, it won't happen, you just look pathetic. You want bitch? You've got bitch. So don't give me a load of abuse and then act like I should still hang off of your every word.